This is hard.
Harder than I ever thought it would be.
I know we've moved before. I knew what to expect. It's just different this time. It's just.....harder.
I miss my family.
I miss my friends.
I miss my hair stylist.
I miss fresh fish.
I miss Target and Costco and movie theaters with more than three screens.
I miss options. Options for schools and restaurants and church and how to spend our free time.
I miss it all.
On the outside, I pretend to be happy and brave and supportive. But I’m not really any of those things.
I am sad and lonely and scared.
I am weary and discouraged and homesick.
How will I ever fit in where men belch regularly and with pride in public?*
Where I seem to be the only one without ink?*
Where the fact that I am not Catholic seems to be some sort of spiritual deficiency?*
Where I can hardly get down the street to my house because of all the campers, boats, and trucks that are parked along the side?*
Where parents appear unable to comprehend the idea of an organized pick-up line at school?*
Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has also set eternity in the hearts of men.
Because of this we will never be fully comfortable here on earth. Nothing here can ever measure up to heaven.
The truth is I was just as much a foreigner in Indiana as I am here in North Dakota. I was created for heaven. We all were.
Revelation 21:3-4 Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
And maybe that is what I am really homesick for. A place with no tears, no fear, no pain, no suffering, no loneliness. The place where I will see Jesus face to face and finally know that I am truly home.
*Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against belching, tattoos, Catholics, campers, boats, or trucks. These are used for illustrative purposes only! :) The school pick-up line, however, is a whole different story!
2 comments:
Oh Amy! I feel your lonliness. I love your scriptural references. I have found comfort in Abraham's story as well, as he left all familiar to go to where God wanted him to go. I also just read Daniel and could find strength in his ability to find a place while living in conviction in Babylon...I'm sure he longed for his homeland. I love reading your heart! Kimm
Amy - what a great post! It is really great to see someone being authentic with thier feelings and thoughts. I too long for Heaven - I simply cannot wait to be with my creator and savior. Everything I am doing here on Earth is all for Him. Keep writing and keep sharing. You are saying what we all really feel and think - especially the pick up line!!!
Sharyl Riley
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