Our Newest Toy

Do you know how expensive it is to move?  Let me tell you.  The first estimate to move our stuff from Zionsville to Dickinson was over $14,000!!!   I told them not to bother following up because there was no possible way we were going to spend that much to move.  I think he believed me, too, because I never heard from him again.  As soon as he left, I walked around the house and took pictures of everything that I didn't love to post for sale on craigslist. I found a freight company that would haul our stuff for a fraction of the cost. They estimated our load and sent what they thought was the appropriately sized trailer. Despite immediate concerns about the size, we optimistically loaded that baby up.  I really thought we had a reasonable chance of getting our whole house in a 26' trailer.

I was wrong.

As the movers filled the trailer, it became obvious that it was not all going to fit.  So we had to choose.  I had to walk the house and make instantaneous decisions about what would make the cut and what wouldn't.  What didn't make the cut?  Our lawnmower, the ping pong table, bookshelves, filing cabinets, our king size bed, the kid-sized locker unit, the grill, and more things than I can even remember now.  It all had to go.  After round two of craigslist, multiple trips to Goodwill and our storage unit (AKA Mom's basement), the house was empty.  It was a rather bittersweet feeling.  Yes, I had purged a lot and had a wad of cash to show for it, but it also felt like I was leaving so much behind.

Fast forward a few months and it turns out I can make pretty good snap decisions.

Lawnmower?  We have a new construction house and the grass is just starting to grow.  We won't need to replace it until the spring/summer.

King size bed?  It was lumpy and uncomfortable anyway.  And there is no way it would fit in our new, cozy master bedroom.  After 18 years of king-size sleeping, we are now the proud owners of a queen size bed.  Can I tell you how much difference that 16" makes?  People are becoming concerned about the black eyes and bruises from elbows thrown in the middle of the night.  Joking, people!  Well, about the injuries....there have actually been a few dream time elbow incidents.

Ping pong table, filing cabinet, lockers, etc.  We downsized 1500 sq. feet. There is no room for those things anyway.

The grill?  I haven't given that Weber propane thing a second thought.  And here is why~

My friends, I have replaced it with one of the greatest creations on God's green earth.

A Big Green Egg

I don't even have the words to explain to you how much I love this thing.  I really think it might be bordering on some sort of unhealthy attachment on my part.

It uses natural charcoal.

It smokes.

It sears.

It bakes.

It rolls itself into the house and cleans the kitchen after dinner.  Ok, that may be a bit of an exaggeration,  but you get the point.

I wish you could taste some of the food I have been able to make on this thing. Burgers, steaks, pork chops, tuna steaks, chicken, ribs, corn, praline peaches, pineapple, potatoes.

Oh, and I have NEVER had marshmallows roasted to such perfection.  I would love to have a picture, but they never last long enough!

I enjoy planning meals again.

I look forward to cooking dinner.

Mark wants to cook.  He gets irritated if I beat him to it.

The neighbors are begging for invitations to dinner.

The kids brag to their friends about how good the food is at our house.

No one wants to go out to eat anymore.

I am not even kidding.  It is that good.

It makes sleeping in a queen size bed worth it.

A Word of Reassurance

Apparently this post has caused more than a small amount of concern about my emotional well-being.  I want to reassure you all that I have not spiraled into deep depression.  I was just being honest.  I have come to a point in my life where I am done pretending.   I have always been an open book, but perhaps with turning 40, that has reached a new level.  

And sometimes life is just hard.   

For all of us.  

One of the benefits of being so open is that in return I get great support and encouragement from others when I need it.  In fact, within a day of writing THAT POST I was encouraged by three different people!  They shared understanding and wisdom that really helped me clarify what I am feeling.

First, from my mom. 

She is very wise, and I am pretty sure that she is more unhappy about this move than I am.  Still, she was able to share with me her experience as a young newlywed who had moved so very far away from home.  She was sad and lonely and cried every day for at least six months.  But, THERE WAS NOWHERE ELSE SHE WANTED TO BE.  It was tough being so far away, but she would not have had it any other way.  This is exactly how I feel.  Yes, this is hard, but there is still nowhere I would rather be.   

Second, a dear friend made a very casual comment about motherhood; sometimes, watching our children bloom and flourish IS enough.  

She is so right and I am thrilled and extremely proud of the growth and success my children are having.  They are ALL doing beautifully.  None of them would return to Zionsville.  NOT ONE.  Incredible.

And lastly, my forever friend and I had a deeper conversation about the way God sometimes chooses to work in our lives.  I have a tendency to imagine and hold on to the way I think things should look.  God has blessed and continues to bless our family but it rarely looks the way I expected.  It is not in the pretty little package that I envisioned, but that is okay.  Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross wasn't a pretty little package either, was it?

I AM sad and lonely and homesick.  But, I am also CONFIDENT that I will adjust.   

I am EXCITED about the growth and maturity I am seeing in my kids that I wasn’t seeing in Zionsville.  

And, I am EXPECTANT and HOPEFUL about the ways that God is going to use this move to continue making me more like Jesus.   

I hope you can all rest a bit easier now.  

Phil 1:6 (The Message) There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.

A Boy and His Dog

I have no words.

Truth Time

This is hard.

Harder than I ever thought it would be.

I know we've moved before.  I knew what to expect.  It's just different this time.  It's just.....harder.

I miss my family.

I miss my friends.

I miss my hair stylist.

I miss fresh fish.

I miss Target and Costco and movie theaters with more than three screens.

I miss options.  Options for schools and restaurants and church and how to spend our free time.

I miss it all.

On the outside, I pretend to be happy and brave and supportive.  But I’m not really any of those things.

I am sad and lonely and scared.

I am weary and discouraged and homesick.

How will I ever fit in where men belch regularly and with pride in public?*

Where I seem to be the only one without ink?*

Where the fact that I am not Catholic seems to be some sort of spiritual deficiency?*

Where I can hardly get down the street to my house because of all the campers, boats, and trucks that are parked along the side?*

Where parents appear unable to comprehend the idea of an organized pick-up line at school?*


Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has also set eternity in the hearts of men. 

Because of this we will never be fully comfortable here on earth.  Nothing here can ever measure up to heaven.

The truth is I was just as much a foreigner in Indiana as I am here in North Dakota.   I was created for heaven.  We all were.

Revelation 21:3-4 Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.


And maybe that is what I am really homesick for.  A place with no tears, no fear, no pain, no suffering, no loneliness.  The place where I will see Jesus face to face and finally know that I am truly home.



*Disclaimer:  I have absolutely nothing against belching, tattoos, Catholics, campers, boats, or trucks.  These are used for illustrative purposes only!  :)  The school pick-up line, however, is a whole different story!